"I Think I'm Special", I tell HR as I lean back in my recliner in the living room, "but, that doesn't absolve me of the responsibility of putting in the work. The girl in the green dress-you married or just roommates?" #runAF (2.5k) - You've Got Hate Mail
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“I Think I’m Special”, I tell HR as I lean back in my recliner in the living room, “but, that doesn’t absolve me of the responsibility of putting in the work. The girl in the green dress–you married or just roommates?” #runAF (2.5k)

“I Think I’m Special”, I tell HR as I lean back in my recliner in the living room, “but, that doesn’t absolve me of the responsibility of putting in the work. The girl in the green dress–you married or just roommates?” #runAF (2.5k)

re·ac·tion for·ma·tion



1. the tendency of a repressed wish or feeling to be expressed at a conscious level in a contrasting form.

Reaction Formation

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Reaction Formation occurs when a person feels an urge to do or say something and then actually does or says something that is effectively the opposite of what they really want.

It also appears as a defense against a feared social punishment. If I fear that I will be criticized for something, I very visibly act in a way that shows I am personally a long way from the feared position.

A common pattern in Reaction Formation is where the person uses ‘excessive behavior’, for example using exaggerated friendliness when the person is actually feeling unfriendly.


A person who is angry with a colleague actually ends up being particularly courteous and friendly towards them. 

A man who is gay has a number of conspicuous heterosexual affairs and openly criticizes gays.

A mother who has a child she does not want becomes very protective of the child.

An alcoholic extols the virtues of abstinence.


A cause of Reaction Formation is when a person seeks to cover up something unacceptable by adopting an opposite stance. For example the gay person who has heterosexually promiscuous may be concealing their homosexual reality. This may be a conscious concealment but also may well occur at the subconscious level such that they do not realize the real cause of their behavior. Reaction Formation thus can turn homosexual tendencies (love men) to homophobic ones (hate men).

Freud called the exaggerated compensation that can appear in Reaction Formation ‘overboarding’ as the person is going overboard in one direction to distract from and cover up something unwanted in the other direction, such as a person who fears war becoming a pacifist, convincing themselves that war is wrong (rather than the ‘cowardly’ position that war is scary).

Reaction Formation goes further than projection such that unwanted impulses and thoughts are not acknowledged.

Extreme patterns of Reaction Formation are found in paranoia and obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), where the person becomes trapped in a cycle of repeating a behavior that they know (at least at a deep level) is somehow wrong.

Reaction formation is one of Anna Freud’s original defense mechanisms.

So what?

When a person takes a position or stance on something, and particularly if that position is extreme, consider the possibility that their real views are opposite to this. This offers you two options in persuasion. You can either support their current position or carefully expose how their underlying tendencies are opposite (and how it is ok to admit this).

To cause a Reaction Formation pattern, show the other person that a particular behavior is socially unacceptable. Then give them the space and ideas to react against this undesirable pattern and create their own way of showing how they are actually very far away from the undesirable behavior.

In a therapeutic situation, help a person who is dysfunctionally forming contrary reactions by first create a supportive environment where they can admit and accept what is happening to themselves.

Ten Habits to Strengthen Your Relationship with Your Child

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“I can’t believe how things with my daughter have turned around, since I started focusing on connection.” – Zoe

We all crave those close moments with our children that make our hearts melt. Connection is as essential to us parents as it is to our children. When our relationship is strong, it’s also sweet — so we receive as much as we give. That’s what makes parenting worth all the sacrifices.

That connection is also the only reason children willingly follow our rules. Kids who feel strongly connected to their parents WANT to cooperate, if they can. They’ll still act like kids, which means their emotions will sometimes overwhelm their still-growing prefrontal cortex. But when they trust us to understand, to be on their side, they’re motivated to follow our lead when they can. 

Researchers remind us that we need five positive interactions to every negative interaction to keep any relationship healthy. And since we spend so much time guiding — aka correcting, reminding, scolding, criticizing, nagging, and yelling — it’s important to make sure we spend five times as much time in positive connection.

But we’re only human. There are days when all we can do is meet our children’s most basic needs. Some days it’s nothing short of heroic simply to feed them, bathe them, keep an encouraging tone, and get them to sleep at a reasonable hour — so we can do it all over again tomorrow!

So given that parenting is the toughest job on earth — and we often do it in our spare time, after being separated all day — the only way to keep a strong bond with our children is to build in daily habits of connection. Here are twelve habits that don’t add time to your day, but do add connection — and could change your life.

1. Aim for 12 hugs (or physical connections) every day.

As family therapist Virginia Satir famously said, “We need 4 hugs a day for survival. We need 8 hugs a day for maintenance. We need 12 hugs a day for growth.” 

Snuggle your child first thing in the morning for a few minutes, and last thing at night. Hug when you say goodbye, when you’re re-united, and often in between. Tousle hair, pat backs, rub shoulders. Make eye contact and smile, which is a different kind of touch. If your tween or teen rebuffs your advances when she first walks in the door, realize that with older kids you have to ease into the connection. Get her settled with a cool drink, and chat as you give a foot rub. (Seem like going above and beyond? It’s a foolproof way to hear what happened in her life today. You’ll find yourself glad, many times, if you prioritize that.)

2. Play.

Laughter and rough-housing keep you connected with your child by stimulating endorphins and oxytocin in both of you. Making laughter a daily habit also gives your child a chance to laugh out the anxieties and upsets that otherwise make him feel disconnected — and more likely to act out. And play helps kids want to cooperate. Which is likely to work better? 

“Come eat your breakfast now!”


“Little Gorilla, it’s time for breakfast — Look, you have bugs and bananas on your oatmeal!”

3. Turn off technology when you interact with your child.

Really. Your child will remember for the rest of her life that she was important enough to her parents that they turned off their phone to listen to her. Even turning off music in the car can be a powerful invitation to connect, because the lack of eye contact in a car takes the pressure off, so kids (and adults) are more likely to open up and share.

4. Connect before transitions. 

Kids have a hard time transitioning from one thing to another. If you look him in the eye, use his name, and connect with him, then get him giggling, you’ll make sure he has the inner resources to manage himself through a transition.

5. Make time for one on one time.

Do whatever you need to do to schedule 15 minutes with each child, separately, every day. Alternate doing what your child wants and doing what you want during that time. On her days, just pour your love into her and let her direct. On your days resist the urge to structure the time with activities. Instead, try any physical activity or game that gets her laughing. (For game ideas, click here.)

6. Welcome emotion.

Sure, it’s inconvenient.

Going to therapy doesn’t mean you’re wrong; it means you have a sense that something is wrong; intuition, trust #itAF, Yo.


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New Evidence Suggests Alzheimer’s Doesn’t Destroy Memories, it Only Blocks Them

{Link Bit.ly/2eVBBww}


The key to recalling memories from the void of Alzheimer’s disease may be to use lasers to activate certain neurons in the brain. If this research undertaken on mice could be applied to humans, it could help the millions suffering from the disease.


Scientists at Columbia University discovered during a study published in the journal Hippocampus that the memories of mice with Alzheimer’s disease can be recovered optogenetically — meaning with the use of lights. This could shift our understanding of the disease from the idea that it destroys memories to the concept that it simply disrupts recall mechanisms.

The results were garnered by comparing healthy mice with mice given a disease similar to human Alzheimer’s. First, parts of mice’s brains were engineered to glow yellow during memory storage and red during memory recall. Then, the mice were exposed to the smell of lemon followed by an electric shock — associating the two memories.

A week later, they were given the smell of lemon again: the healthy mice’s red and yellow glows overlapped and they expressed fear, showing they were accessing the right memories. However, the Alzheimer’s brains glowed in different areas, and the diseased mice were indifferent, showing they were recalling from the wrong sections of the brain.

The team, lead by Christine A. Denny, then used a fiber optic cable to shine a blue laser into the mice’s brains. This successfully “reactivated” the lemon and electric shock memory and caused the mice to freeze when they smelt it.


The research could possibly revolutionize Alzheimer’s research and treatment, helping the 5 million Americans who are suffering from the disease.

The Revolution Will Not Be Televised

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You will not be able to stay home, brother
You will not be able to plug in, turn on and drop out
You will not be able to lose yourself on skag and skip
Skip out for beer during commercials
Because the revolution will not be televised

The revolution will not be televised

The revolution will not be brought to you by Xerox
In 4 parts without commercial interruption
The revolution will not show you pictures of Nixon
Blowing a bugle and leading a charge by John Mitchell
General Abrams and Spiro Agnew to eat
Hog maws confiscated from a Harlem sanctuary

The revolution will not be televised

The revolution will be brought to you by the Schaefer Award Theatre and
will not star Natalie Wood and Steve McQueen or Bullwinkle and Julia
The revolution will not give your mouth sex appeal
The revolution will not get rid of the nubs
The revolution will not make you look five pounds
Thinner, because The revolution will not be televised, Brother

There will be no pictures of you and Willie Mays
Pushing that cart down the block on the dead run
Or trying to slide that color television into a stolen ambulance
NBC will not predict the winner at 8:32or the count from 29 districts

The revolution will not be televised

There will be no pictures of pigs shooting down
Brothers in the instant replay
There will be no pictures of young being
Run out of Harlem on a rail with a brand new process
There will be no slow motion or still life of
Roy Wilkens strolling through Watts in a red, black and
Green liberation jumpsuit that he had been saving
For just the right occasion
Green Acres, The Beverly Hillbillies, and
Hooterville Junction will no longer be so damned relevant
and Women will not care if Dick finally gets down with
Jane on Search for Tomorrow because Black people
will be in the street looking for a brighter day

The revolution will not be televised

There will be no highlights on the eleven o’clock News
and no pictures of hairy armed women Liberationists and
Jackie Onassis blowing her nose
The theme song will not be written by Jim Webb, Francis Scott Key
nor sung by Glen Campbell, Tom Jones, Johnny Cash
Englebert Humperdink, or the Rare Earth

The revolution will not be televised

The revolution will not be right back after a message
About a whitetornado, white lightning, or white people
You will not have to worry about a germ on your Bedroom
a tiger in your tank, or the giant in your toilet bowl
The revolution will not go better with Coke
The revolution will not fight the germs that cause bad breath
The revolution WILL put you in the driver’s seat
The revolution will not be televised

WILL not be televised, WILL NOT BE TELEVISED

The revolution will be no re-run brothers
The revolution will be live

“I can’t believe that we escaped, dad”, HR replies as she gets up from her recliner in the living room, “that was close, Yo!”

“Yeah”, my wife replies as she tips back her soda, “when I’m in the game, don’t count it done, Yo.”

“Thanks for taking out Heatherate and Jacobate”, I tell my wife as I wipe the blood off her lips as kiss her slowly.

“I haven’t eaten flesh in a while, Yo”, my wife replies as she leans back, “it was LITERALLY my pleasure.”

“Are we BBQ’ing them later?”, I ask my wife as I see Heatherate and Jacobate in the pen outside the house chained to the pole in the midde of the rectangular enclosure.

“Nah!”, my wife replies, “I like to eat them raw, Yo.”